Feel Me Up

I had an exercise buddy that we would go on long walks and chats. Nice guy. Sometimes when you hang out with a guy friend, you don’t realize maybe they like you a little more than you thought. And they surprise you with a date.

So he tells me he wants to give us a shot. See if there are sparks. My heart isn’t in it but he seems intent. What could it hurt to go on one date? If he realizes there are no sparks, we can go back to our normal daily lives and get past this.

So he picks me up as a true gentleman would and tells me he has a surprise for me. He drives down the street to a local strip mall and parks. Are we going into Sprouts? Nope. Are we going into Einstein Bagels? Nope again.

Massage parlor. Oh ok. I’m getting a massage. How lovely. We get checked in and they escort us to the couple’s massage room.

Wait what?

I’m suppose to get undressed in front of this man in the same room and lay on a table with a sheet on me. Oh he has some balls.

Alright.

me: “Turn around and no peeking.”

He behaved, I think. I crawled on the table and covered myself.

I did not behave. I peeked. Oops.

Rogue Rose

Animated Music Producer

Without naming names and keeping this somewhat on the down low, I dated a successful musician/producer. I’ll give you one clue, his most famous song, you definitely heard it in the late 80s and early 90s. In fact, some radio stations keep it in rotation.

He was a very nice man. Very muscular, not hulky muscle but more like lean muscle. Still chiseled. He had a normal 9-5 day job now in a recession proof industry and kept a little studio on the side.

In dating artists and people who consider themselves artistic, I’ve found a lot of them want to show off their wares. They have great pride and I happen to love art that speaks to me on a personal level. So I agreed to take a big risk and meet him at his music studio. Normally, I’m a meet in public kind of gal but I’m packing pepper spray just in case.

So I arrive and having grown up around music studios, I feel right at home. Granted, I have no idea what any of the buttons do, but I’ve certainly sat on a couch numerous times and watched others do their magic.

So here I am getting the grand tour and being handed a hot cup of herbal green tea. A little Celestial Seasonings. How delightful.

In the main lounge is a large comfy brown leather couch and a big screen tv hanging on the wall. He plops down on the couch next to me, grabs the remote and flips on Yogi Bear. I kid you not.

As a child, I loved cartoons. Looney Tunes. Yogi Bear. Smurfs. Disney cartoons. Jetsons. I watched them. Having children, I still watch them. But this was a first for me.

So there we were on our very first date, sitting in a music studio with our hot herbal green tea, watching Yogi Bear trying to con the Park Ranger that he didn’t steal another picnic basket. And out of nowhere he starts laughing.

him: “I just love Boo Boo.”

Omg. Am I being pranked? Is he for real? I love Boo Boo bear too with his cute little bowtie but this can’t be real. I’m no spring chicken and this man clearly has 12 years on me. What’s next? A cheese and crackers snack pack with a Capri Sun?

I finished my cup of tea and apologized that I needed to be somewhere. Like a gentleman, he walked me to my car, leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and asked if I would come back soon.

him: “Next time we can watch Tom and Jerry.”

Umm…adorable.

Rogue Rose

Crane of Tears

The hardest part about dating again is being vulnerable. There are some dates that you go on and your heart isn’t entirely in it. You just go in and are not expecting fireworks. And there are others, your hopes are so high that you think, just maybe, just possibly, this person is the one.

I’m a hopeless romantic to begin with, which is a blessing and a curse. A hopeless romantic is a positive refillable fool who gives all of themselves and hopes and prays it’s returned in abundance. I am that fool. I won’t apologize for it. But I’m fully aware of the consequences of it.

I met a man. A man a few years younger than me. Divorced single father. We chatted for a week. Our conversations were so immensely passionate and intense. You know when someone just gets you. Gets you to the core and you let down those walls. You become vulnerable. You become hopeful. I truly understand how you can become so attached to someone without actually meeting them.

We were going to meet and had been planning it all week. Sushi dinner. I was dressed and looking super pretty. I even snapped a selfie and sent it to him. He loved the picture.

He is a business owner and was only going to be busy in the morning. Then took another job. And another. We were still planning to meet.

And then nothing. No contact. No nothing. Text went unanswered. Phone call wasn’t returned. Nothing.

I was basically stood up. Not going to lie….I shed a tear.

Rogue Rose

It’s Complicated

Blind dates are funny. You never know what is going to happen. You are told they are handsome. You are told their profession. But some things are left out for you to discover. It’s like a gift that you get to unwrap slowly. Peeling back the wrapping paper. Sometimes it’s like an onion and not a gift at all.

It’s was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and I was meeting a handsome man for a hike. I enjoy being out in nature and this seemed right up my alley.

He was tall. Much taller than me. Gentle eyes, warm smile. Blonde. Very good looking. And he kissed me. I melted.

After our little hike, he asked if I wanted to come over to use his home gym. We could get all sweaty at his place. Perhaps another day. I don’t want to appear too easy.

him: “Just let me know when and I’ll let the Mrs know.”

Wait! What?!

me: “You are married?”

him: “It’s complicated but yes.”

me: “Separated?”

him: “Open marriage.”

me: “And she is aware of this?”

him: “Yes. Sometimes she watches.”

Oh my. This isn’t what I was expecting. This wasn’t a gift….it was an onion. A very complicated onion.

Rogue Rose

Liquid Courage

There is rarely an occasion when I turn down sushi. Those beautiful colorful rolls of yumminess are always a delight. Plus there is a great upscale sushi restaurant in Orange County called Riptide. This is not a hole in the wall diamond in the rough. This is fusion sushi at its best.

So my date tells me to meet him there in front of the fish tank. That is something I never understood. A fish tank in a seafood restaurant. Do you put a ranch in the middle of steak house? Or a farm in a burger joint?

Regardless, I show up all pretty. We get seated in a half moon booth. I order a key lime martini and he gets a gin and tonic. We also order the Philadelphia roll (my fave) and a ceviche inspired roll, plus something else to share. It was a lot of sushi.

When the food arrives, I can tell my date is feeling a little loose. He starts to hand feed me a sushi roll. Honestly, I was a little surprised but I go with it. Maybe he was trying to be romantic or maybe he was trying to get me to shut up and eat. Either way, it was kinda odd. I am capable of using chopsticks myself, while not masterfully….it is still effective. I won’t starve.

So my date is now on his second gin and tonic…or maybe 3rd or 4th. I really don’t know how many he had before I arrived. He is feeling pretty good.

And then it happens. He grabs a boob.

him: “they are so big and fluffy like pillows”

I just sit there looking around to make sure nobody just saw that. Usually in dating, you stop to savor each base or at least go through them quickly. He stole a few bases.

He certainly had liquid courage.

Rogue Rose

Science of Mufasa

This very nice businessman had been trying to court me for over a month. He was persistent yet very sweet.

We didn’t live close to each other. Easily two hour drive. I’m not one for long distance relationships, so when he told me he was in town, what could it hurt to meet? I didn’t have to travel far.

So typical Starbucks meeting for a cup of tea. He shows up and he is built like a lion. His voice was deep and there was something majestic about him, like Mufasa from The Lion King.

We talked about work and families. And religion. It seems the king of the jungle believed in Scientology. He tried to sell me on the idea of a bridge and audits.

I don’t know about you, but the idea of being life audited, seems a little intense and brutal.

When that wasn’t working, he claimed I could practice whatever religion I wanted but I had to support him in his. Under normal circumstances, I would be completely on board.

I’m not one to judge, but lately I’ve seen too much on television about Scientology to have some doubts.

The king of the jungle needs to find another queen.

Rogue Rose