Porn Pitch

Him: “You should be in movies.”

Me: “Yea right.”

Him: “I’m serious. You have a very sensual side to you. It’s hot.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Him: “Besides curvy MILFs are a big hit right now.”

This was my conversation over a glass of house chardonnay. The man was an English porn financier. Our date went from small talk to pitching me to be in his latest movie. Basically telling me I could easily clear $12,000 a week.

Tempting. Very tempting but no.

Rogue Rose

Dating a Ghost

Once upon a time, I had someone very special and dear in my life. I loved this man very much and had hoped we would be together forever. His life was cut short due to a genetic illness that ravaged his body and ultimately crushed his spirit. It was a terrible thing to watch helplessly, knowing whatever you do, will not and can not help. So I just sat by his side and loved him with everything I had.

Jump forward over a decade later, I’m on a date with a man. We go to a little Mexican restaurant I use to frequent when I was a young child. The food is authentic. The mariachis are considerably loud. And the place is packed.

I’m munching on enchiladas rancheros and a raspberry iced tea while yelling across the table to my date.

The problem is, besides the noise and the yelling….my date looks exactly like the man I lost. This man is only slightly taller and has a slightly smaller nose. Otherwise, almost identical. Their mannerisms are similar. It’s unnerving. I’m completely not myself.

I’m dating a ghost.

Rogue Rose

Animated Music Producer

Without naming names and keeping this somewhat on the down low, I dated a successful musician/producer. I’ll give you one clue, his most famous song, you definitely heard it in the late 80s and early 90s. In fact, some radio stations keep it in rotation.

He was a very nice man. Very muscular, not hulky muscle but more like lean muscle. Still chiseled. He had a normal 9-5 day job now in a recession proof industry and kept a little studio on the side.

In dating artists and people who consider themselves artistic, I’ve found a lot of them want to show off their wares. They have great pride and I happen to love art that speaks to me on a personal level. So I agreed to take a big risk and meet him at his music studio. Normally, I’m a meet in public kind of gal but I’m packing pepper spray just in case.

So I arrive and having grown up around music studios, I feel right at home. Granted, I have no idea what any of the buttons do, but I’ve certainly sat on a couch numerous times and watched others do their magic.

So here I am getting the grand tour and being handed a hot cup of herbal green tea. A little Celestial Seasonings. How delightful.

In the main lounge is a large comfy brown leather couch and a big screen tv hanging on the wall. He plops down on the couch next to me, grabs the remote and flips on Yogi Bear. I kid you not.

As a child, I loved cartoons. Looney Tunes. Yogi Bear. Smurfs. Disney cartoons. Jetsons. I watched them. Having children, I still watch them. But this was a first for me.

So there we were on our very first date, sitting in a music studio with our hot herbal green tea, watching Yogi Bear trying to con the Park Ranger that he didn’t steal another picnic basket. And out of nowhere he starts laughing.

him: “I just love Boo Boo.”

Omg. Am I being pranked? Is he for real? I love Boo Boo bear too with his cute little bowtie but this can’t be real. I’m no spring chicken and this man clearly has 12 years on me. What’s next? A cheese and crackers snack pack with a Capri Sun?

I finished my cup of tea and apologized that I needed to be somewhere. Like a gentleman, he walked me to my car, leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and asked if I would come back soon.

him: “Next time we can watch Tom and Jerry.”

Umm…adorable.

Rogue Rose