One evening, I went on a picnic. My date had planned the whole evening. We met at a park in Laguna, where he brought homemade spaghetti and garlic bread. While not my first choice for a first date meal, and even more challenging while balancing it on your lap, I planned ahead. I wore all black.
He was trying to come up with recipes for his restaurant he talked about opening. So I’m a happy taste tester. The garlic was a knockout though. I mean, garlic was probably oozing out of my pores for days. At least, we were both munching on it.
His second fascination was Jeopardy. He never missed a night. And he liked to play along and was trying to get on the show to help fund his restaurant venture.
The sun started to set and the view was beautiful. Conversation was good.
He pulled out his iPad and we started to watch Jeopardy. Now this was a first for me on a date. I’ve sat and watched easily a few dozen Jeopardy shows, although it’s not a favorite.
The contestant would ask for Cats for $800. My date started to answer the questions out loud. It was a game to him. Alex, what is a Siberian Tiger?
Now at this point, maybe I should have played dumb, but I chose to me instead. Not only did I get a good portion of the questions correct but I got Final Jeopardy correct too.
I guess my date wasn’t looking for someone who could hold their own with random facts.
Alex, what is next please?
I’ve been married before and divorced. My quest to find my soulmate has taken me down many avenues of life. Some more hilarious than others.
I’m having dinner in South Orange County. Small talk is going well. First date jitters are getting out of the way to comfort. Laughing comes easy.
The way my date chews slightly annoys me. It’s not open mouth see-food chewing but it slightly reminds me of a cow chewing curd. But I like him. He seems nice and he is good looking.
him: we should get married
me: yea right
him: I’m serious. Let’s run off to Vegas.
me: yea right
He is joking, right? Tell me he is joking.
Dinner ends and no more talk on marriage proposals and Las Vegas. He asks if we can walk off dinner. Sounds like a plan to me.
Around the corner we go, continue the small talk and I get steered into a jewelry store. Wait. What?!
him: You should take a look at these.
me: Nope….those are engagement rings. These earrings look nice.
salesclerk: Can I help you?
him: Yes. I would like to see these engagement rings
salesclerk: So how long have you two been together?
me: 45 minutes
That was it. She saw the look in my eyes. You know that look. Deer in headlights. I can’t be sure but I think she mouthed the word RUN.
And I did…
There is always a gameplan on getting date ready. Shower, expert contouring of the face, the right ensemble, perfect shoes and a snack. Especially if it’s a late dinner. Late for me is anything after 6:30pm. Yea I know what you are thinking, early bird special, but a girl has to sleep, right? So I’m meeting this gentleman for the first time. Dreamy, single dad. All of the text leading up to this first meet-greet, is intense. The man has passion and I’m enthralled. So dinner is at 6:45 at a little Mexican restaurant that overlooks Huntington Beach’s coastline. And what do I do? I grabbed a bowl of cereal before because I don’t want to be hangry. Raisin Bran. Not my first choice and not a very good pre-dinner snack so I look dainty while eating.
Date is going well. I’m picking at my tequila glazed salmon agave, and my stomach starts to rumble. Oh no. Gasp. It’s gas. Thank goodness my plate didn’t come with beans or else I would be apologizing to my date from inside a bathroom stall. Now he wants dessert. I can do this. I can literally hold in my flatulence until the date is over.
So after he has paid (yes, I don’t pay for dates….if they ask, they are paying) he mentions he would like to go walk on the pier. Wonderful I think, it will be windy and I’ll probably spend my evening avoiding a Marilyn Monroe on a subway vent…unless it will score me a second date.
So as we are walking out of restaurant, Mr Dreamy Dad says he needs to take a pit stop at the bathroom. YES!
I walk into that ladies room and let it go. Almost felt lightheaded after that.
Needless to say, he is a great kisser and a complete gentleman. And I didn’t have to crop-dust the whole pier.