Animated Music Producer

Without naming names and keeping this somewhat on the down low, I dated a successful musician/producer. I’ll give you one clue, his most famous song, you definitely heard it in the late 80s and early 90s. In fact, some radio stations keep it in rotation.

He was a very nice man. Very muscular, not hulky muscle but more like lean muscle. Still chiseled. He had a normal 9-5 day job now in a recession proof industry and kept a little studio on the side.

In dating artists and people who consider themselves artistic, I’ve found a lot of them want to show off their wares. They have great pride and I happen to love art that speaks to me on a personal level. So I agreed to take a big risk and meet him at his music studio. Normally, I’m a meet in public kind of gal but I’m packing pepper spray just in case.

So I arrive and having grown up around music studios, I feel right at home. Granted, I have no idea what any of the buttons do, but I’ve certainly sat on a couch numerous times and watched others do their magic.

So here I am getting the grand tour and being handed a hot cup of herbal green tea. A little Celestial Seasonings. How delightful.

In the main lounge is a large comfy brown leather couch and a big screen tv hanging on the wall. He plops down on the couch next to me, grabs the remote and flips on Yogi Bear. I kid you not.

As a child, I loved cartoons. Looney Tunes. Yogi Bear. Smurfs. Disney cartoons. Jetsons. I watched them. Having children, I still watch them. But this was a first for me.

So there we were on our very first date, sitting in a music studio with our hot herbal green tea, watching Yogi Bear trying to con the Park Ranger that he didn’t steal another picnic basket. And out of nowhere he starts laughing.

him: “I just love Boo Boo.”

Omg. Am I being pranked? Is he for real? I love Boo Boo bear too with his cute little bowtie but this can’t be real. I’m no spring chicken and this man clearly has 12 years on me. What’s next? A cheese and crackers snack pack with a Capri Sun?

I finished my cup of tea and apologized that I needed to be somewhere. Like a gentleman, he walked me to my car, leaned in for a kiss on the cheek and asked if I would come back soon.

him: “Next time we can watch Tom and Jerry.”

Umm…adorable.

Rogue Rose

Science of Mufasa

This very nice businessman had been trying to court me for over a month. He was persistent yet very sweet.

We didn’t live close to each other. Easily two hour drive. I’m not one for long distance relationships, so when he told me he was in town, what could it hurt to meet? I didn’t have to travel far.

So typical Starbucks meeting for a cup of tea. He shows up and he is built like a lion. His voice was deep and there was something majestic about him, like Mufasa from The Lion King.

We talked about work and families. And religion. It seems the king of the jungle believed in Scientology. He tried to sell me on the idea of a bridge and audits.

I don’t know about you, but the idea of being life audited, seems a little intense and brutal.

When that wasn’t working, he claimed I could practice whatever religion I wanted but I had to support him in his. Under normal circumstances, I would be completely on board.

I’m not one to judge, but lately I’ve seen too much on television about Scientology to have some doubts.

The king of the jungle needs to find another queen.

Rogue Rose

Murky Waters

It was a gorgeous day down at Dana Point Harbour. The boats were in their slips and people were out drinking coffee and walking their adorable puppers.

I said yes to a cup of tea and a walk along the harbour. Personally, I like reading the names of boats and wondering what their owners were thinking when they came up with them.

Wet dream

Dream Weaver

Aquaholic

She Got the House

Ok, well some are pretty self-explanatory. So I met this somewhat goofy man.

him: “So I was arrested after all of my marijuana dispensaries were raided and I spent a million dollars on lawyer fees.”

Really? That is how you want to start the date? Full disclosure.

I understand it’s legal today in California but it wasn’t during the time of this date. In fact, my date boasted about it rather loudly that all of the coffee patrons could hear him crystal clearly.

Then the paranoia set in. People were watching him. He was getting wide-eyed and very concerned. He informed me he is still watched by the man and was concerned he would be poisoned.

him: “Does this coffee taste funny to you?”

me: “Well you did add 7 packets of sugar.”

him: “It still tastes bitter. I should go. Don’t drink your coffee.”

me: “I got tea.”

him: “Oh that’s better because it’s from the Earth.”

me: “Umm….nevermind.”

And off he ran. The marijuana paranoid kingpin.

Rogue Rose

Moroccan You Not

So I have a favorite restaurant in Orange County called Marrakesh. It’s this sexy morrocan restaurant where you sit in velvet tents and where dining is a delectable experience of a tantalizing dance of spices and flavors. Well except for the bread made of anise. Not a fan of that.

So my date takes me to my favorite restaurant and while it’s not going to be a cheap date for him, I chose to wear a dusty blue dress that basically puts my DDs on display. I’m covered, but there is ample cleavage that could make the bellydancer jealous.

Let’s just say I was grateful. Gratitude is a good thing.

So we are sitting on a little couch under the tent with various other couples.

A man sitting across at another table is GLUED to my chest. I noticed but disregarded. I’m focused on my date. My date is focused on him and he isn’t thrilled.

Now, this isn’t a one course kinda restaurant. It’s various salads, lentil soup, the most delicious cinnamon and powered sugar chicken pastry, the main course and then baklava with honey sweetened mint tea.

So two hours of my date being upset is not an understatement.

Dinner was yummy though…

Rogue Rose

Tickle Me No

Was meeting an elderly gentleman over coffee at my local Starbucks. When I mean elderly, I’m referring to 20+ years older than me. He seemed nice via text, so why not see if there is any chemistry.

So we instantly recognize each other, and I order my regular iced vanilla chai latte that basically tastes like Christmas in a cup. We find an open table and start the courtship. Haha!

him: Are you ticklish?

me: Yes.

him: Where?

me: Why?

He proceeds to open up his phone to YouTube to show me tickle porn. He informs me he just got into this and it’s a huge turn-on for him. He then tells me the tickler tickles the ticklee until she soaks her panties in urine.

So you can imagine the look on my face at this point. I didn’t know this was a thing, nor was I expecting this over a cup of tea. Not that I am one to judge. It is just not for me.

At this point in the conversation, he can see the expression plastered on my face and tries Plan B. Yoda impersonations. Yes…the beloved green character from Star Wars. I’m as nerdy as the next person, maybe even a little more….but this isn’t going to get my panties wet.

So I used my mind tricks and Jedi’d outta there.

Rogue Rose